An Amazing Evening of a Lifetime

The circus was amazing and we had a blast! I was in awe of everything around me and I think I was more excited then the kids. So many of the stars were extremely friendly at the preshow and the kids were on the edge of their seats during the show. We started the evening with getting their faces painted.

The Greatest Show on Earth

Boy are my kids in for a huge surprise. My husband works for a not for profit organization here in Jersey and we were given tickets to take the Children to the Barnum and Bailey Big Top Circus this weekend. It is special VIP passes in a sky box. I think I am just as excited as they will be. Don't worry. Tons of pictures will follow.

Discouraged

I am feeling so discouraged today. My son Rey has been cycling so bad with his moods and I just don't know what to do for him anymore. He goes from happiness to anger to sadness so fast it scares me. I found out this morning that he is spitting out his medicine again when no one is looking. Found the evidence in his trashcan when I cleaned his room. That explains the quick cycling.He says stuff a lot lately too like he wishes he were dead, he says he wishes a car would hit him etc. He is only 6 years old!!! Luckily we have an appointment next week with his Dr. I am hoping we can resolve this.He needs counseling but the problem is that there is such a long wait list everywhere. We have been waiting for almost a year.
We have an appointment today with the gastroentrologist. I am hoping he will do some testing because Rey is not gaining weight and is not eating much of anything.

Ok DIal 911...

While we were getting ready for bed on Saturday night at the hotel room, I heard Rey tell Kiarrah " Ok now dial 911". I turned around quickly to find Kiarrah dialing on the phone and she hung up quickly. I wasn't sure if it went through before she hung up but 5 minutes later the phone rings and it is the lady at the front desk making sure everything is ok. My husband explained what happened and apologized and hung up. 5 minutes later the phone rings again and it is the front desk letting us know that a police officer had arrived and wouldn't be coming up to the room to make sure everything was all right because they have to follow up on all calls to 911. He came up and we explained again what had happened and I asked him to put some fear in my children. He smiled at me and proceeded with a 911 lesson. Reynaldo decided it was time to interview the police man and he kept interrupting with questions such as, Do you drive a fast car? Do you ever get bad guys? etc etc etc. The cop was trying really hard not to laugh and made it clear that he understood that we had our hands full with this little booger. I think Kiarrah learned her lesson! Don't do what big brother Rey tells her to do. Thank goodness they know 911 and let's just hope they know when and when not to use it.

Question of the Week

If you had two or three children that had a Handicap that was brought on by a genetic disorder such as Autism, Spina Bifida or some other birth defect, would you try to bring another child into the world? What are your feelings on this?

Family Picture

We are back!!!

We had a nice weekend away down at the shore to attend Fran and Seth's wedding. All I can say is I am exhausted. The wedding was elegant but simple and definitely done in Fran style. Dominic did an awesome job as Mr. Ring bearer. He managed to overcome his fear and walked down the aisle without hesitation. A smile would have been nice but that would be asking for a lot from him. I am just totally amazed that he did it. He was so cute during the wedding because he was watching everything that was going on and when it was time for the Bride and groom to kiss he had such a big goofy grin on his face.

He was smittened with Fran's blond hair nieces from California. He kept wanting me to ask them to dance with him. He was more interested in the older one but when she wouldn't give him the time of day he moved on to the younger one. He was like such a loved sick puppy when it was time to leave. Ahhh Young puppy love!!!!

The other two kids loved being at the wedding also. Kiarrah told Uncle Seth that he was going to marry her because she had on a Cinderella gown and glass slippers. She has always had a thing for him and used to tell Auntie Frances that she couldn't marry Uncle Seth because she was going too. Kiarrah tore up the dance floor with all of her fancy dance moves. She had most of the wedding party out there dancing with her and spinning her around. The poor thing got blisters on the back of her feet from all the action. Reynaldo had fun hanging out with all of the young adult males. They gave him so much attention and he was up to no good with them. :)

We were able to get some nice pictures and I will upload a few in the next couple of days.

Book list

Finally here is a list of the books that I have decided I am going to tackle for the Spring Challenge. This is just a starter list and I hope to add to it as I go along. Can't wait to check out what others are planning on reading.

Book List

A Mind At A Time by Mel Levine

When the Heart Cries by Cindy Woodsmall

Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks

Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Under the Feet of Jesus by Helena Maria Viramontes

New Book Blog

I have decided to start a new blog to share about all of my reading challenges and adventurous. I will be adding some of the books that my children and I enjoy reading together. Be sure to bookmark this new site.

Spring Reading Thing 2007

Happy First Day of SPRING 2007! I have decided to join Spring Reading Thing 2007 to get myself motivated to read. How many of you have books sitting around that you just not made the time to read. I love to read and would rather have my nose stuck in a book then watching tv. Won't you join us on this challenge? All guidelines can be found if you follow the above link to Katrina's Blog. Now to make my list of the five books I want to finish and start.

KIKI Monster Strikes Again

Last night I couldn't find my glasses anywhere after having taken out my contacts. I knew where I left them and they weren't there. I started freaking out because it is not like I had money to go out and buy a whole new pair. I went to bed upset and first thing this morning I started questioning the kids if they knew where they were. When I woke Kiarrah up and asked her she was like " Oh Yes mommy, I know where they are. She goes in her room and pulls open her closet door and there they were on the floor with a bunch of Polly Pocket Dolls. I asked her what they were doing there and she proceeds to tell me that she needed them to see her dolls. I was very calm and thanked her for finding them and told her that she is not to touch them because they are delicate and cost a lot of money. I hate having to keep EVERYTHING out of her reach. She is 4 1/2 and should be past this.

We love each other .....

These two fight all of the time so it was nice to get a picture of them like this. Kiarrah has some crazy hair. Isn't Dominic a handsome young man? Can't wait to see him on Saturday in his tux.

Mr. Crabby Pants Smiles

Mr Crabby Pants did not want to get his picture taken but was upset that I had Kiarrahs pictures on my blog. Finally after some help from big brother Dom we were able to get a picture with the teeth showing. Rey has been so crabby lately and I pray that we get over this hurdle soon. We have a Psych appointment and one with the stomach Dr. Maybe someone will have the answer we need. On a good note he did manage to eat 2 chicken legs tonight after much coaxing. We had to remind him that he loves the chicken legs that I make. That was all he would eat but it was better than nothing.

A KIKI Funny

This morning Kiarrah was being extremely hyper and was jumping around and singing "Hyper girl Hyper Girl Hyper girl". Jim asked her to stop and she looks at him quite seriously and says to him " But I am your honey, I am your sunshine, You love me and then she proceeding to sing I love you, you love me, were a happy family.... Blah blah blah. We both just cracked up laughing.

Future Highkicker?

Yesterday I had a prenatal appointment with my OBGYN. Kiarrah had insisted on going with me instead of staying with Daddy who had cars to shovel out. My appointment went really well and everything is progressing great with the pregnancy. The Dr. finally agreed to put me on something for the morning sickness that I am plagued with because of the affect it has on my sugar levels due to the diabetes. So far so good this morning. I woke up alittle nauseous but took another pill and it went away. I am feeling like " where have you been all my life?" The morning sickness has been awful. My mom and grandma went through the same thing during their pregnancies. When we were listening to the heartbeat you could hear a little thumping besides the heartbeat which was nice and steady btw. The nurse asked me if I heard it and she said it was Gracie kicking. She is an active little bug. Kiarrah thought that was really neat and wanted to see Gracie but I don't get my next ultrasound for another 2 weeks. So Thank God everything is going good!

Mystery Photos

Kiarrah loves to get a hold of my camera and take pictures. There are many times when I didn't even know she had played with it and I go to upload pictures and find many surprises photos. This is one of those moments.

Question of the Week.....

I thought it would be cool to post a new question every week for my readers. Some will be on the more serious side and others more just for fun. Since this has been an issue you on my mind , I will throw this out as my first question.
What are some creative ways to help a 4 yr old child prepare for the arrival of a new sibling? She has been the baby for the past 4 1/2 years and I already see signs of jealously.
Don't hold back. I would love to hear from you.

Babies, Brides and the Amish

Don't really have a lot to say today. I decided to stay home from church this morning because I am really achy and cold and have a headache. I hope I am not coming down with something. Both my husband and I were up a lot last night and just couldn't sleep. I was so tired too. Yesterday I went to a bridal shower for a young lady who used to be in our young adults group. The whole event was so planned out and beautiful. She was really blessed with gifts for their future home. Made me wish I could have a bridal shower after almost 13 years of marriage. Doesn't every wife begin to need new towels, sheets and household items? LOL. Anyway it was a wonderful day.
This is definitely the season for showers and weddings. I went to a baby shower last weekend and I have a wedding next weekend. My oldest son is the ring bearer in that wedding so I am really excited about that. I plan to take many pictures so be on the lookout for that. We then have two more weddings in May. The second one is in Lancaster and the kids are not invited so my dear hubby and I decided to make it a weekend away, A Babymoon if you will. We are going to stay in a really nice bed and breakfast and just have some nice time away. I have always wanted to go to Lancaster. I love anything Amish and admire their handmade items. My parents had actually stayed at this Inn and loved it. I am just going to really appreciate the time away from the kiddos. ( PS I will miss them though)

Holiday Letter from An Autistic Child

Awesome sample letter to send to family and friends before Holiday gatherings to make your visit less stressful.
Dear Family and Friends: " I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.
Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: Some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.
Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.
When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you--I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.
Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.
If I can not sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.
Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky--I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination are impaired.
Don't be disappointed If Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kinda like self regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.
Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for awhile as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support.
Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!

Read any Good Books Lately

I have really been in the mood to read lately. Anyone reading anything good? I just picked up Come back by Claire Fontaine. So far I am having a hard time getting into it. I also just read Freedom Writers. It has just been a long time since I read a really good book.

Scoot Over Sunny Weather,Here Comes Snow

I can't believe the weather around here. Wednesday we were outside enjoying a beautiful sunny day that was in the 60's. All the neighborhood kids were out riding their bikes and scooters. It made me so happy that we moved to this neighborhood because there are so many kids for my children to play with. Today we have a snow storm and are expecting 3-5 inches of snow and more through the night.

Finger Nails

Pistol Packing Pink Nail Polish

Today Kiarrah has been so well behaved. She is truly enjoying being home with me. To be honest with you too, I love it myself. We are becoming closer and have a better understanding of each other. I am not saying everyday is roses but it is so much better than it was. I am so Happy that I listened to God and to my heart and pulled her out of the school.
Today I decided I wanted to get my nails done. I needed a little pampering and thought she might enjoy it also. I had told her that if could behave I would get her nails painted also. She sat there like a little lady and picked out a pretty pink color after I told her I didn't think red was for little girls. They painted her nails and even put little flowers on them. They wouldn't even charge me because she was so cute. I will try and post a picture later. She was really cute afterwards and said that we can't tell Daddy LOL.

Heartfelt Poem

Someone recently posted this on a mommy list that I am on and it always touches me when I read it. I am not sure who the author is but it is so beautifully written. I hope it touches someone out there like it did me.

Before I Go To Sleep…
Mommy, don't you cry now and Daddy don't you weep.I want to whisper something before I go to sleep. I know that when I came here I looked perfect in every way. And you were so proud, Daddy; when you held me on that day. Mommy, when you kissed me and wrapped me up so tight, I knew that I belonged here and everything was right. But then there was concern about developmental delay, I saw your worried faces as you knelt by me to pray. Mommy, I always notice how you wipe away a tear, When you watch the other children as they run and laugh and cheer. I may not be able to tell you how much I love you so, Or even show you how I feel and what I really know. But when you hold me, Mommy, at night when all is still, I feel the love you have for me and I know that all is well. And Daddy, when you take me to the park to run and playI know that you still love me though the words I cannot say. I want to tell you something before I go to sleep. I may be sort of distant and you may not understand, I know that I am not that little child that you and Daddy planned. But I love you both so very much and I know you love me too, And if I could only speak my heart, you would feel my love for you. I know the future is unknown and you will always have to be, The ones who love and listen and take good care of me. I know that you are frightened and you shed so many tears, And if I could I'd wipe them dry and take away your fears. So Mommy, don't you cry now and Daddy please don't weep. I want to say…I love you both, before I go to sleep.

Author Unknown

Two Steps Closer

Finally we are seeing some movement in Kiarrahs adoption proceedings. It is about time. The papers are in the attorneys hands and we just had to look over the Adoption complaint before it is sent to the judge. Baby girl will have our last name by this summer at the latest. I am so happy. This has been such a long unnecessary journey. I am so sick of hearing that paperwork has been lost. It is always someone elses fault. I will be relieved to no longer have to deal with Childrens Services. Don't get me wrong, we have had some excellent workers but there have been more headaches then anything. The division needs such an overhaul and needs some trainings on how to respect foster families. It is too much a them against us mentality.

Flutterbies and Pattertillars

While laying down last night I felt the baby quite clearly. She felt like a little butterfly giving me kisses in my tummy with her wings. I had thought I felt it before but wasnt sure. It was the most amazing feeling. I really can't wait until she really starts moving around. Remind me I said that when I complain that she is kicking on my bladder or ribs LOL.

Bathroom Words

Kiarrah has recently become obsessed with daily announcing that Rey or Dom used bathroom words. Rey likes to say Fart which he knows I hate so I hear this from Kiarrah all the time. She gets very exasperated with him. I am trying to teach her not to tattle all of the time because the boys get very mad at her and it doesn't help to keep the sibling rivalry under control. I told her to only tell me if someone is doing something where they could get hurt or hurt someone else. She just isn't catching on. The other day I made the mistake of using the word snot. Kiarrah was quick to tattle on me to daddy. " Daddy Mommy is using nose words". Can you believe her?

Something Fun

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Random emotional thoughts....

I have so much on my mind today, I am just not sure what to write. It is the same way I feel about all of the things I have to do. Where do I even begin? I have been feeling so lonely lately and that is just downright sad because I have so many people around me. I get in moods like this though and I start shutting people out. It is almost like I don't want them to see the real me. Then I start questioning who the real me is. God has really been working on me a lot lately and trying to show me my potential. If you are not a Christian you will not understand this. How can God show me something? How can God work on me? When you have a close relationship with him and spend time with Him in prayer and worship He speaks to you. Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear. Sometimes it hurts bad. Sometimes He reveals things in you that you want to forget. Funny thing is that you just can't hide it from Him. He is all knowing. I am struggling so much with my self esteem. I see so much ugliness in myself and wonder why and how people would want to be a friend too me. I feel so much like my life is out of control. It isn't but I have some major control issues. I expect perfection out of myself and those around me. Who am I to expect such things. No one is perfect. I want everything in my life to run so smoothly and MY way but that isn't always God's way. I am trying to learn that because things aren't always my way that isn't a bad thing. Take this pregnancy for instance. I would not have planned things this way. BUT there was a reason God chose to bless us this way and at this time. I might not see it not and I might never see it but I need to learn to relax and lean on God. I have so many fears about being a mother to another child but if I share that I make myself so vulnerable to others. I don't want people to see my weaknesses. It is as if people won't respect me as much. I wonder how we are going to financial be able to afford another child. Maybe it is more of a Faith issue. Aren't I the person always says that If God brings you to it, He will see you through it. It is so easy to say the stuff but I need to get it hidden in my heart and truly believe it. I guess if U had to chose a few words to explain how I feel right now they would be overwhelmed, disordered, sad, worried and confused. I need to meditate on Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-mediate on these things. " Maybe if I focus on these things I will stop dwelling on my worries and fears and imperfections.

Cycling

I am so frustrated right now with the whole Bipolar issue. Whenever it seems like Reynaldo is doing so much better it goes and changes. His moods had finally hit a stabilized level and he seemed so happy but then he stopped eating again. It seems like when he takes a dosage that is beneficial for him it affects his stomach and he cant eat. The leg cramps also start. We decided to bring his dosage back down which still works but not as affective. He has more crying jags, my anger outbursts and just lots of cycling. We have an appointment next month and I really pray that the Dr. can do something and can help him. We might have to change meds all together which is always a rough road. I just want my baby boy to be happy. I hate seeing him like this. he just can not afford to lose anymore weight. We already have his meals supplemented with pediasure.
Hopefully we can get through this and get some help.

First Belly Shot

I swore I would never take pictures of my belly if I ever got pregnant. I guess I should have never said never. Here I am at 16 weeks.

Some People just don't get it...

Can you believe that someone at my hubby's work actually had the nerve to ask us what we were gonna do with our other children now that we are having a baby. As if you imply that we will be returning them and cancelling out their adoptions. I was appalled. We are a family!!!!! We are not starting a family. We are adding on to our family.

It's a .........

GIRL. We found out on March 6th at my 16 week check up that the Baby is a Little Girl. I think I knew because I wasn't shocked. It was really funny too because everyone kept saying I was going to have a girl. Now I will have two boys and two girls. Kiarrah was ecstatic. She kept saying that I was having a girl and she was only going to have a sister. She really enjoyed seeing the Ultrasound and kept saying hi to the baby.
When I told the boys after school what sex the baby was, Reynaldo cried his eyes out the whole way home. He was very angry at God because God wasn't giving him a little brother.
Dominic was indifferent about it but said he hoped she wasn't like Kiarrah. Nothing like an annoying little sister.
While the tech was doing the Ultrasound and was showing us different views that she was a girl, the baby at one point had put her hands over her private parts as if to say, You can't see NannyNannyBooBoo. We found that to be quite funny.
Everything is looking really good and she is right on target with her growth. I go back into the Dr on Monday for an exam and to go over my blood sugars. I have been keeping them down, in fact I have been going too low the past few days during the day but my morning sugar is just not low enough. Lower than it has ever been but not where they want you to be if you are pregnant.
The morning sickness has reduced to about once a day which is such a relief. I can handle that compared to 3-4 times a day.
Lately my craving has been grapefruit. Just can't seem to be getting enough of it.
Today I bought my first item for the baby. I picked out a little onesie that was pink and on the front it says "Worth the Wait". I just felt it was so appropriate.
I cant wait to start buying little dresses. It is so funny because I had said I wanted a boy. But I am just as excited with a girl.