The life of a parent is not an easy feat. I don’t think I was fully prepared for how my everyday life would change with being a parent, let alone a parent to special needs children. It can be extremely chaotic, demanding and there are days when I don’t know whether I am coming or going. As crazy as things can get though, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
My oldest son, Dominic, has ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome. He is a child who thrives best when his life is highly structured, as do most Autistic children. He is rigid when it comes to his routines and he can be very demanding. He likes things to always be the same everyday. For example, I know when he gets home from school he will throw his stuff on the floor, have a huge glass of water and start on his homework. I wish I could tell him that he can always have things the same but that isn’t the way life is. He also enjoys spending time by himself. He will play for hours in his room. My day is spent helping him to cope with the slightest change in routine, fixing him his staple food of peanut butter and jelly and working with him on his social skills. Our conversations are usually very predictable because commonly most children with Aspergers become very fixed on one topic. For the past month our conversations have been about football. Like most 7 year olds, he enjoys playing his play station, playing catch in the yard with Daddy and fighting with his younger siblings. Although a day with Dominic can be very demanding, it is consistent.
My younger son, Reynaldo, is quite the opposite of Dominic. He is dramatic and his behavior is erratic. He has Bipolar Disorder and you never know what mood he will be in. There are days when you feel like you are standing in the path of a tornado, get hit by it and then have to deal with cleaning up the aftermath. He can also be very emotional and sensitive. He craves attention and needs to be reassured that I am here
for him and love him. He was placed in three other homes before we got him as a foster child at nine months old. Sometimes I pour so much love into him and he is like a sponge but it just doesn’t totally quench his thirst. My day with him is spent redirecting negative behavior, giving lots of hugs and kisses and cleaning up after his rages. It is emotionally draining being a parent to a child with a mood disorder. I have to constantly keep my mood in check because everyone knows that the mommy sets the mood for the day. He also has ADHD and Sensory Integration Disorder. Due to the sensory issues, Reynaldo, like his brother, has problems with his clothing feeling right, food choices due to texture issues and a need for sensory seeking activities to self regulate. It is a challenge parenting him and handling the moods and rages but he has taught me to be more passionate about life. He cares about the little things that others might not notice. He also is always looking out for the underdog.
My youngest child is very spirited, stubborn and bossy. She keeps me on my toes all day with her crayon wielding, swinging from the ceiling fan, getting into everything, ways. Impulse control is not a part of Kiarrah’s genetic makeup due to ADHD. I spend my day with her doing safety patrol, participating in tea parties and dress up and repeating to her that she needs to make good behavior choices. She is very headstrong in her actions and we clash often. I find myself arguing with her quite often and will end many conversations with,” You are not my boss. I am your mommy.” She has a love for mischief and has gotten into her share of baby powder, Vaseline and toothpaste. I do have to admit she is very artistic with these products. She is my only girl and even at the age of three I am getting a glimpse of the challenges that lie ahead with raising her.
I may end my day completely exhausted, emotionally drained, but there is one fact that remains. I love being a mommy to my three children. I know God knew what he was doing when he brought them into my life under unusual circumstances. My everyday life before having children was pretty boring compared to my adventurous life now.
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