Abandonment Issues

While we were at church on Sunday I noticed Reynaldo was crying during worship service. He had been a little weepy the past few days because we are in the middle of switching his meds. When I asked him what was wrong he asked me if I will be his mommy forever even when he is grown up and has his own children. It made me cry because he was very upset and you could tell this was something he had been worrying about. I told him I would ALWAYS be his mommy and went on to explain how my mommy is still my mommy. I gave him a big hug and he seemed to feel better. This made me see that he really is having some abandonment issues. I didn't see how he could because we got him at nine months but we were also his fourth placement. He says to me sometimes that he misses his birth mom. He actually only met her a few times and never lived with her. I think it is the whole concept though. Like maybe a guilt thing that he feels like he should miss her. He has always been an emotional and deep feeling child. He will also say that he misses his sister. He has always been very clingy and attached to me and gets upset when I leave him. When I come back he hugs me hard and doesn't want to let go. He tells me he misses me so much. That is also why it is hard for him when he has people in his life and then he doesn't see them anymore. He feels like they don't love him anymore. This has happened several times and I just don't know how to help him with that. I have tried to explain it to other people but they just don't seem to get it or they just don't care. I can't protect him all his life but I can try my darnedest to not let people do that to him.

Spring Break

Today was the start of Spring break for the kiddos and my husband luckily had the day off to enjoy it with us. I appreciated the extra pair of hands too. LOL. We started our day by going to "the Butterfly's" lawyer's house to sign the adoption complaint. We had the paperwork overnighted to the clerks office and hopefully we can get on the judges docket in the next 30 days. I just want this to be all over. After that was through we drove to a park that had animals for the kids to see and they ran around the park for a few hours.The boys enjoyed playing catch with daddy and KiKi and mommy hit the swings and playground equipment. It was a bright sunny day but the air was crisp. We then were off to see Meet the Robinsons. It was a very cute movie and I loved how they dealt with the whole adoption theme. The kiddos were mesmerized during the movie and were so well behaved. We ended our busy day with a dinner date with my father in law and his wife. We had not seen them since Christmas which is ridiculous because we live in the same state. The kids were so happy to get to see them. The kiddos were so worn out from our day that they were asleep as soon as their heads hit their pillows. It made for a nice quiet night for mommy and daddy.

Easter Sunday

On Easter Sunday we enjoyed a beautiful celebratory service at church. I have always loved Easter and just can't fathom how people can not realize the whole meaning and impact of the day. Do they not see how much Jesus Loves them that He laid down his life for us and our sins? I think what upsets me more is knowing that there are people out there that know Jesus and know what the Bible says but yet choose to walk away from it and act like it isn't true. Easter is such a Celebration of the fact that Christ Rose from the Dead after laying down his life for us. It is about newness and unconditional love. I now Easter is not all about the new fancy clothes but we love getting dressed up in new pretty dresses and shirts and vests etc. I love seeing all the new spring colors and dresses. I also love seeing kids dressed up on Sundays. Maybe it is the way I was raised. My mom and Dad bought the kiddos their new outfits for the day and I always get so excited to see what it will be. I think my mom enjoys doing the shopping too. Below are pictures of them in their Sunday best.

Day in Therapy

We spent the afternoon yesterday in our Child psychiatrists office for a hopefully successful visit. I always hate these appointments especially when we need to deal with medicine changes. Luckily I had a friend that could watch "the butterfly" while we went so I could actually talk to the Dr. We changed the dosage on one of D's meds because of the aggression he has been showing. He is a very much "got to be in control" kids. He was extremely bossy and mean to Little Rey at the office and she was quick to call him on it. He hated that and got very agitated with her for calling him on it. Luckily she got to see what was going on at home. When I asked her why he was acting like this she said that it is because of his Aspergers and she sees it in all of her patients who have it. I guess I didn't realize how the aggression was related. Reynaldo has been having such a hard time lately and Dominic's treatment of him doesn't help matters. He not only gets this from Dominic but also Kiarrah. After much discussion we decided to change Reynaldo's meds. Dr. B claims that Bipolar is always worst in the spring and after looking through Rey's file we found that he follows this same pattern. He might just need more medicine this time of year. The Dr. also strong suspects that Reynaldo suffers from many aspects on RAD ( Reactive attachment disorder) I need to do some reading on this. If any of my readers have some good book recommendations or webs sites regarding Rad It would be much appreciated. Sometimes it is just so heavy on me to take in. I just want my little boy to be happy and regulated. I am going to start the new medicine on Friday when spring break starts so that we can monitor him. Luckily the insurance covered our second option. They have gotten ridiculous about what meds they will cover. This is not a one drug fits all society. It is especially harder I think when you are dealing with a child with Bipolar. The other thing that is a struggle is the fact that Rey also has ADHD and doesn't sit still in school. He doesn't do well on stimulates that would control this. They send him into major cycling. I would much rather have a child that is happy and who can control his moods. The school is just going to have to deal with it. We need to seriously look into our options for next year. I have actually seriously considered homeschooling him next year. That will only be possible if I can get Kiarrah into a school next year full time. I couldn't do it with her home. Reynaldo and I work good one on one but not with her around. I will do whatever I have to do for him. He is my baby boy. It would be that way with any of them. The other issue that I need to take care of for him is getting him into counseling. There seems to be a wait list everywhere.

Clothing Switch.

I can't believe we are actually getting some light flurries today. On the way to school Dominic asked me how it can snow when it isn't even winter anymore. He was perturbed. I have spent the past few days sorting through spring and summer clothes and taking inventory. I started packing up heavy winter items for storage. Thank goodness I have left some sweaters out. You never know what the weather is going to be like in Jersey anymore.
I hate the task of switching clothing. While going through mine I was happy to see that I tend to buy a lot of my clothes on the bigger side so I will have some stuff to cover my growing belly. Looks like I will just need shorts and Capri's.
I hope it is alittle warmer on Easter. I have a short sleeve dress that I want to wear but don't have a cardigan sweater to match it.
Mema bought the kids new outfits to wear for Easter Sunday. Be on the lookout for pictures.

I ran away from Home

Ever have one of those days when you just can't take it anymore and want to run away and not look back? I don't know what is going on with my children but they have been driving me to the brink of a breakdown. They have been very disrespectful and defiant. Especially "little miss butterfly." For some reason she thinks she is the boss and needs to tell me what to do. She completely ignores me when I ask her to do something. The boys have been fighting roughly and throw stupid tantrums. Dominic has given Reynaldo two bloody noses this week from playing too rough. I have tried every form of discipline and nothing is working. I have to keep in mind that these are not your atypical children and they are wired different but that doesn't mean I should look the other way when they act this way. They are in need of some major boot camp structure with some STRICT rules! That is all in the works right now. I know for a fact they do much better when things are consistent and structured. People seem to look at me strange when I am so structured and strict but they are not the parents of my kids. They don't know their needs and issues. I need to stop caring what others think and do what is best for my babies. After an emotional phone call with my husband about feeling so overwhelmed and stressed out it was much decided that I needed to leave when my husband got home and spend the evening out. Knowing how moody I have been lately and grumpy, I really did not want to be around anyone. After a suggestion from a friend I went and walked around some stores and decided to go see a movie. I have never gone to a movie by myself but I have to admit I liked it even though it felt weird. I was actually the only one in the theatre. I left feeling very destressed and ready to face the challenge of being Super Preggo Momma. I am sure baby Gracie was relieved to have quiet time in the womb away from all the Drama.

Update on Baby Sweet Potato

Just an update on my pregnancy. Gracie is still a girl. I was so afraid that she would have grown a penis or something this past month since my last ultrasound. I am still miserable and achy. I know I complain too much. I just have always heard women say, Oh I just love being pregnant!! I love the fact that I have another human being that is flesh of my flesh and of my husband but I hurt and am sick and moody etc. How could you like being like this all the time? Just like women say "I miss being pregnant" Whats to miss? Maybe my mind will change closer to the end.
I feel like I am walking around like a granny. Geez what will I be like at 8 or 9 months? Anyway. Things are still progressing nicely. Gracie is now 11 ounces and looks really good. She is an active little booger. Likes to move those arms and legs around. I am still only feeling flutters and pressure on my lower abdomen but she moves like crazy during Ultrasounds. I will have to post some of her first pictures. She wasn't as photogenic this time around.

Question of the Week

I personally am planning to breast feed my baby when she is born, if I am able. I don't know if this will be possible due to having a breast reduction surgery about 6 years ago. The Dr. said I wouldnt know until I tried. I have noticed though through stuff I have read online and in magazines that a lot of the population is against this. I would love to have a healthy conversation about why Breast feeding is great and any tips you might have and also why people are so against it.

Pierogi

Pierogi are semi-circular dumplings of unleavened dough stuffed with cheese, sauerkraut,onions or potatoes.I personally love them with Farmers or Dry cottage cheese in them.
It has been a family tradition of ours that my grandmother and mother make our families secret recipe pierogi every Spring and we enjoy them during lent. This year my mom taught my sisters how to make them. I unfortunately live to far away to partake in this joyous event and I was quite sad because I have a love for them. If you have had the box type that is sold in the grocery store you have no clue what you are missing out in. There is nothing like a nice pierogi with a lot of butter and onions on it fried up in a pan. Not exactly a weight watchers legal but hey you have to live alittle once in awhile.
I decided this morning that I was going to attempt to make them myself. I had made them once before but had trouble shaping them. Today after a few phone calls to grandma, I achieved my goal and they came beautifully. I must say they were delicious also. I was sure to fry one up right then and there. My two littlest kids have decided they don't like them. Oh Well, more for daddy and mommy. The wonderful thing is, the freeze up beautifully.
I think my next challenge is going to be Golumpki.

An Amazing Evening of a Lifetime

The circus was amazing and we had a blast! I was in awe of everything around me and I think I was more excited then the kids. So many of the stars were extremely friendly at the preshow and the kids were on the edge of their seats during the show. We started the evening with getting their faces painted.

The Greatest Show on Earth

Boy are my kids in for a huge surprise. My husband works for a not for profit organization here in Jersey and we were given tickets to take the Children to the Barnum and Bailey Big Top Circus this weekend. It is special VIP passes in a sky box. I think I am just as excited as they will be. Don't worry. Tons of pictures will follow.

Discouraged

I am feeling so discouraged today. My son Rey has been cycling so bad with his moods and I just don't know what to do for him anymore. He goes from happiness to anger to sadness so fast it scares me. I found out this morning that he is spitting out his medicine again when no one is looking. Found the evidence in his trashcan when I cleaned his room. That explains the quick cycling.He says stuff a lot lately too like he wishes he were dead, he says he wishes a car would hit him etc. He is only 6 years old!!! Luckily we have an appointment next week with his Dr. I am hoping we can resolve this.He needs counseling but the problem is that there is such a long wait list everywhere. We have been waiting for almost a year.
We have an appointment today with the gastroentrologist. I am hoping he will do some testing because Rey is not gaining weight and is not eating much of anything.

Ok DIal 911...

While we were getting ready for bed on Saturday night at the hotel room, I heard Rey tell Kiarrah " Ok now dial 911". I turned around quickly to find Kiarrah dialing on the phone and she hung up quickly. I wasn't sure if it went through before she hung up but 5 minutes later the phone rings and it is the lady at the front desk making sure everything is ok. My husband explained what happened and apologized and hung up. 5 minutes later the phone rings again and it is the front desk letting us know that a police officer had arrived and wouldn't be coming up to the room to make sure everything was all right because they have to follow up on all calls to 911. He came up and we explained again what had happened and I asked him to put some fear in my children. He smiled at me and proceeded with a 911 lesson. Reynaldo decided it was time to interview the police man and he kept interrupting with questions such as, Do you drive a fast car? Do you ever get bad guys? etc etc etc. The cop was trying really hard not to laugh and made it clear that he understood that we had our hands full with this little booger. I think Kiarrah learned her lesson! Don't do what big brother Rey tells her to do. Thank goodness they know 911 and let's just hope they know when and when not to use it.

Question of the Week

If you had two or three children that had a Handicap that was brought on by a genetic disorder such as Autism, Spina Bifida or some other birth defect, would you try to bring another child into the world? What are your feelings on this?

Family Picture

We are back!!!

We had a nice weekend away down at the shore to attend Fran and Seth's wedding. All I can say is I am exhausted. The wedding was elegant but simple and definitely done in Fran style. Dominic did an awesome job as Mr. Ring bearer. He managed to overcome his fear and walked down the aisle without hesitation. A smile would have been nice but that would be asking for a lot from him. I am just totally amazed that he did it. He was so cute during the wedding because he was watching everything that was going on and when it was time for the Bride and groom to kiss he had such a big goofy grin on his face.

He was smittened with Fran's blond hair nieces from California. He kept wanting me to ask them to dance with him. He was more interested in the older one but when she wouldn't give him the time of day he moved on to the younger one. He was like such a loved sick puppy when it was time to leave. Ahhh Young puppy love!!!!

The other two kids loved being at the wedding also. Kiarrah told Uncle Seth that he was going to marry her because she had on a Cinderella gown and glass slippers. She has always had a thing for him and used to tell Auntie Frances that she couldn't marry Uncle Seth because she was going too. Kiarrah tore up the dance floor with all of her fancy dance moves. She had most of the wedding party out there dancing with her and spinning her around. The poor thing got blisters on the back of her feet from all the action. Reynaldo had fun hanging out with all of the young adult males. They gave him so much attention and he was up to no good with them. :)

We were able to get some nice pictures and I will upload a few in the next couple of days.

Book list

Finally here is a list of the books that I have decided I am going to tackle for the Spring Challenge. This is just a starter list and I hope to add to it as I go along. Can't wait to check out what others are planning on reading.

Book List

A Mind At A Time by Mel Levine

When the Heart Cries by Cindy Woodsmall

Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks

Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Under the Feet of Jesus by Helena Maria Viramontes

New Book Blog

I have decided to start a new blog to share about all of my reading challenges and adventurous. I will be adding some of the books that my children and I enjoy reading together. Be sure to bookmark this new site.

Spring Reading Thing 2007

Happy First Day of SPRING 2007! I have decided to join Spring Reading Thing 2007 to get myself motivated to read. How many of you have books sitting around that you just not made the time to read. I love to read and would rather have my nose stuck in a book then watching tv. Won't you join us on this challenge? All guidelines can be found if you follow the above link to Katrina's Blog. Now to make my list of the five books I want to finish and start.

KIKI Monster Strikes Again

Last night I couldn't find my glasses anywhere after having taken out my contacts. I knew where I left them and they weren't there. I started freaking out because it is not like I had money to go out and buy a whole new pair. I went to bed upset and first thing this morning I started questioning the kids if they knew where they were. When I woke Kiarrah up and asked her she was like " Oh Yes mommy, I know where they are. She goes in her room and pulls open her closet door and there they were on the floor with a bunch of Polly Pocket Dolls. I asked her what they were doing there and she proceeds to tell me that she needed them to see her dolls. I was very calm and thanked her for finding them and told her that she is not to touch them because they are delicate and cost a lot of money. I hate having to keep EVERYTHING out of her reach. She is 4 1/2 and should be past this.