I can't believe that I almost forgot to post this for the week. Today my question is regarding adoption and birth parents. If you are an adopted parent and you have a child who wants to find their birth parents when they are a teenager how do you handle this? Do you support it? What if the parents are not the ideal role model you want the child to know? I woul love to hear different view points of this.
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7 years ago
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Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog, I will come back and read up on you in the morning. And congratulations on your pregancy....isn't it fun! :)
Well.... first, I was adopted as an infant. When I was 16 or 17, I desired to find my bio mom. My adoptive mother wasn't very excited about this and unfortunately she somewhat showed it. My father was behind it, I think he too was not totally happy about it, but he didn't show it! My father said that if I desired to do that, they would support me emotionally all that they could, but that they would not be able to help me financially. My father then looked into searches through my agency and found that I could get info for myself when I was 18. I wasn't yet at that point, so my father went ahead and got for me non-identifying information. It was a piece of paper that I held onto every day. It was very important to me to know where life began for me. I think most adopted children do. From that point on, I could't start any search until I was 18 and when I reached that age, I still didn't have money to do it, so I was forced to wait. I'm glad that I did though. Finally approx. three years ago I went ahead and did the search. (I was 36, married and supported by my husband now). Unfortunately my mother was not willing to meet with me, but through my search agent, I was able to find out alot of medical and background information. I was a little sad about her not wanting to meet me, but I was more grateful to have the medical info. I found that I didn't know this woman and so therefore, I didn't have any emotional attachment to her and it wound up not being a big deal if we met or not!
From a person who was adopted, I highly recommend allowing your child to carry out that desire of finding their family. First, I would share with them what you know and if they are at an age where they can handle the negetive news, then tell them! They then can decide for themselves if they want to continue to persue or not. Always remind them that you are their mother and that you will always love them. Please don't deny them the desire of their heart. They need to know where life began! If you wish to talk more or ask further questions - contact me Loriwestrum@hotmail.com
Okay where to begin. Kirk (my hubby) was adopted as a toddler after having been in Foster Care. No it wasn't his Foster Parents who adopted him. Kirk has never had any desire to seek out his biological parents. I know I would if it was me. He says the reason is because he has his true parents in his life now, no need to go and dig up a can of worms that might not want to be dug up or one you might want to bury again after you dug it up. My in-laws were both willing to support whatever he choose. I know that his mom was willing to help in any that she could in finding his biological parents if that was what he wanted.
Now if I was a parent of an adopted child, I would do as my mother-in-law was willing to do for my husband. I would support the child in whatever it was that they wanted.
As for dealing with biological parents that might not be ideal role models, I would have supervised visitation and lay out ground rules for them to follow while in the presence of the child.
Hi Jennifer, Thanks for visiting my blog. I have just been checking yours out and I thought I would leave a comment here. I never had the chance to meet my biological father......he left my mother when I was born. Anyway when I was 18 I decided to find him and I spoke with him on the phone a few times and he wrote a few letters and then he wanted to meet me. I decided against it as I really didn't like him he reminded me of a alcoholic/drugo!!!! I hope this is making sense... So what I am trying to say is the kids will probably make up their own minds to whether or not they are good or bad influences in the lives.
Amie
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