Feeling the stresses

I have been pretty behind on posting lately and before it builds up and I start forgetting things I thought I would play catch up. So much has been going on and I guess I have just been sticking with the safe comfy subjects and not getting into the meat of the matter. I guess when I do I start to feel weak or something. I am really struggling with myself as a parent. I realize my children have disabilities but whenever something happens I tend to take it to heart and feel that it reflects on me as a parent. Right away I wonder what I am doing wrong. I find myself becoming extremely anxiety ridden and wanting to close myself up in my bubble. It's hard because their disabilities are not visible physically. If an outsider were to look in I am sure they would feel that I had unruly children that are out of control. Out of control at times? Yes. Today I was reading Claudia's Blog and she had a post about Controlling only what you can control. This really struck home with me. I tend to be a control freak and freak out when things are out of control. I can't focus or function. I need to realize that I just can't control everything. I can model the behavior I expect for the kids but I don't control their actions or words. I can teach them what I expect of the them and raise them to be Godly fearing children but they have their own free will. If they choose to be disrespectful and disobedient that is there choice. It is them our job as parents to give them consequences for those choices. When they behave like this I need to stop blaming myself. I am doing the best that I can. I am not just dealing with one child with issues, I have three of them that do. It just seems like it is everything at once. I have one child who thinks he knows it all and is always quick to tell his father and I that we are stupid and he hates us and he wishes we weren't his parents. This is normal behavior I am sure but it just seems more intense then what I have seen. He is usually set off by being asked to do something such as clean his room ( which he refuses to do) or he is told no. We have taken away privileges and he just doesn't seem to care anymore. He is just downright rude.
My other child has taken to stealing and lying. He has taken candy from the corner store and other stores and has taken stuff from friends. At first he says they gave it to him. I always make him return things to the store and apologize but it is like he just doesn't get that it is wrong. No remorse. No impulse control. He flat out lies about it. No one is going to trust him and I tried to explain to him that people will always think it is him when something goes missing because he is giving himself a bad name. He is very angry. Especially at my husband. I have my guesses to what this is about but don't know how to fix it. We need some prayer over that.
To top all this off I have another child who is majorly lying and destroying property. She has taken her pencil and carved into my kitchen table and chairs, she has written on all my walls and she gets into everything and then lies. Yes I know to keep writing items away but it is hard to do in my house. I really try but the other kids use them and we have adults in and out of the house for different things and she will just sneak and find them. She also got into nail polish that was way out of her reach and eye shot and she painted on my couch pillow at 5 am. I woke up to the smell. She gets up at an awful hour every morning even if I put her to bed late. She is like clock work. She sneaks into food too. I feed this child. I have no clue why she is doing this. She has done this even as a small child. I had to get rid of her play refrigerator because she would sneak food and put it in there and I wouldn't know. I would open it and find bananas and yogurt and applesauce. When you ask her why she has done it she looks at you blank and says, I don't know! I didn't want to! I am trying so hard to have patience with her but we always will start out good and then she will continually do the same things over and over again even when she is told not to. No remorse and no emotion. She will only show emotion to manipulate to try and get something. Like she is sorry when she wants to do something. She has destroyed some property at school to and to be honest with you, She doesn't have friends. No one can stand her for long. It makes me so sad because she is such a sweetie but she is so controlling. I have tried to talk with her and work with her and role play but she doesn't get it. She doesn't seem to even notice when people are bad. I guess she senses something but doesn't read it right. For example we were at a practice for our year end show. She was trying to talk to one of the other little girls and was giving her a compliment. The little girl HEARD HER but didn't acknowledge her. I was so upset for her. I didn't say anything to her and she later told me she was upset and she said so and so doesn't want to be my friend. To be honest with you I understand why the child ignored her. It doesn't make it right. I just wish people would understand her and I wish she would understand how she pushes people away. It is such a touchy thing. I can only see it getting worse as she gets older. FASD Sucks!
With all this going on, I feel like I am drowning. I want to be the best parent possible but need help and just don't know where to get it. A lot of people just don't understand or even know how to help. Heck, I don't even know what to do sometimes.